


Being a Good Dad(dy)

by raths_kitten



Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Bad Parenting, Drug Abuse, Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 20:21:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16562513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raths_kitten/pseuds/raths_kitten
Summary: Jeff has a problem. He married Jensen’s mother but ended up falling in love with her self-destructive, flamboyant son. (Jensen is 19 in this.)





	Being a Good Dad(dy)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](https://spn-reversebang.livejournal.com/profile)[spn_reversebang](https://spn-reversebang.livejournal.com/) and based on [](http://emmatheslayer.livejournal.com/profile)[emmatheslayer](http://emmatheslayer.livejournal.com/)’s art prompt located [HERE](https://emmatheslayer.livejournal.com/542174.html).

Jeff paced around the house nervously, making sure everything was in order. Donna was coming home for the weekend and there couldn’t be anything incriminating left lying around. Speaking of, when he passed Jensen’s room, the door was wide open and Jensen was sitting in front of his make-up mirror wearing only a pair of green satin panties.

Jeff cursed under his breath but he was magically drawn into the room. “You should get dressed,” he suggested, leaning against the doorframe. “Your mother will be home soon.”

“Oh, goody.” Jensen rolled his eyes. He held up two kinds of hair dye for Jeff to see, one green and one pink. “What do you think?”

“Your mother will hate it.” Jeff bit his lip. Donna could be quite hard on the boy.

“That’s not what I was asking,” Jensen replied harshly, narrowing his eyes. He was always on edge when his mother was around. In the beginning, Jeff really didn’t get it, but by now he had a pretty good understanding about the family dynamics and he sometimes wished Donna would just not even bother coming home anymore. Which was a dangerous thought, seeing how she was his wife. “Which do you prefer?” Jensen prodded.

“Every colour looks good on you.” Jeff softened. _Everything_ looked good on Jensen. He could have dyed his hair grey and worn a burlap sack and he’d still be the prettiest person in any room.

Jensen smiled and got up, walking over to Jeff and rubbing up against him. “But you like green the best, right?”

Jeff took a step back, even if it was almost physically painful and he’d much rather step closer. “Your mother will be home soon,” he repeated coldly.

“But she isn’t home yet,” Jensen argued. He hooked his thumbs in his panties and shimmied his body seductively. He wasn’t taking them off, but hinting that it was definitely a possibility. And Jeff didn’t doubt for one second that he would follow through. Jensen would let Jeff fuck him right in front of Donna, for all he cared.

But then Donna would throw Jensen out and divorce Jeff and worse, she’d call the cops on him and have him arrested for child molestation. Jensen was nineteen now. Nothing happened until he turned eighteen. But he was sixteen when Jeff married Donna. And he knew she wouldn’t believe him.

“Jensen,” Jeff sighed, grabbing a hold of Jensen’s hips to stop him from moving. “We talked about this. You know why this is the worst idea.” Jensen turned away from him and Jeff could see him close off. Shit. “She’s only here for a few days. Then we’ll have the house to ourselves again.” They only had to avoid the maids, their cook and all the random handymen and gardeners. But they were pretty good at this by now. “Can you be good for a few days? Huh?” Jeff touched Jensen’s cheek, trying to make him look at him. “For me?”

Jensen’s look softened and he was starting to lean in, but then the doorbell rang and they sprang apart. Jensen pushed Jeff out of his room and slammed the door. With a sigh, Jeff placed his hand against the closed door, considering a knock. But what else could he even say? He turned, put on a happy face, and went to greet his wife.

Jensen only re-emerged about two hours later, his hair now dyed in all the colours of the rainbow. He was wearing pink eye shadow and body glitter, his shirt was a midriff cut-off that exposed one of his shoulders. And fitting to this, he wore thighs and rainbow striped legwarmers. He reminded Jeff of a dancer in the 80s. Maybe he could’ve been an extra on Flashdance.

Donna didn’t like it one bit. “Dear god, Jensen.” She gasped and clutched at her heart. “It’s fine if you decide to be gay, but do you have to be such an obvious little twink? You know what the papers will write about me if they catch you out like that.” She shook her head in disapproval. “Is it my fault? Is it because I kept calling you Jenny when you were little? It is, isn’t it? Dear lord, I turned my son gay.” She raised her arms to the ceiling and gave quite the dramatic performance.

Jeff just raised his eyebrow and was looking at her over the rim of his glasses. Then he took one look at Jensen, who seemed to be close to tears and realized she still had the power to hurt the boy, no matter how self-assured he appeared to be. God damn her. “I like it,” Jeff exclaimed. “You look cheerful.”

“Every colour looks good on me,” Jensen smiled. It almost reached his eyes. He gave a little twirl to show off the full effect of his outfit.

“Jesus Christ, don’t encourage him,” Donna chastised. “He’s gonna get himself gang-raped looking like that.”

Both Jeff and Jensen flinched at her words. Jensen recovered first. “Well maybe you get lucky and they murder me, too,” he bit out and then promptly stormed out the front door.

Jeff closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Do you have to be so mean to him? He’s your son, for fuck’s sake.”

“That’s right,” Donna replied, eyes narrowed. “He is _my_ son. And you don’t get a say in how I raise him.”

Jeff got up and poured himself some whiskey. He had to leave her before he did or said something he’d regret. She was right. From the moment they met, Donna had made it clear that she wasn’t looking for a step-dad for her son, but rather just a companion for herself. Jeff had been more than ok with it at first, never having wanted kids himself. But that was before he got to know Jensen, before he got to love Jensen. And now it just broke him to see how she treated him.

He wasn’t sure why he hadn’t seen it before. But then again, they’d had a whirlwind romance and quick engagement. Donna had been the star of a movie being filmed on Jeff’s boat. Jeff was allowed to be on set and watch the filming. He’d be enamoured with her from the moment they met and from all he could tell, the feeling was mutual. They fucked before they even went on their first date, got married before Jeff even met Jensen, who had been off at boarding school at the time.

Later that night, while Donna was riding him while admiring herself in their ceiling mirror and Jeff pictured Jensen dancing on a chair while water was being poured on him from above, he wondered how much longer he’d be able to keep up this charade.

**

The next morning, Jeff found Jensen passed out on a lounge chair by their pool, looking debauched. He had some trouble rousing him and one look in Jensen’s eyes told him the boy was still high. 

“Jesus fuck, Jensen. You could have drowned.” Jeff picked him up and half-carried half-dragged him back to his room. “Why do you keep doing this to yourself?”

Jensen was looking at him through unfocused eyes. “Hate her,” he slurred. “Hate her so much. Wish she’d get gang-raped and killed.”

“No, you don’t,” Jeff stated, knowing the boy might be angry, but he still loved his mother. That was the root of all of his problems. Jensen still wanted her love and validation. And the more she withheld, the more self-destructive Jensen’s reactions were.

“No, I don’t,” Jensen confirmed. He silently started to cry and Jeff’s heart broke. He put Jensen to bed and planted a kiss on his forehead.

“Sleep it off. You’ll feel better after some rest,” Jeff promised, even though he knew it was a lie. He wiped away Jensen’s tears and knelt down next to his bed. Jensen reached for him and Jeff wanted nothing more than to curl up with him, but he couldn’t. Instead, Jeff gently untangled Jensen’s fingers from his and wrapped him up in his blanket tightly. “Sleep.”

“F..fuck you,” Jensen mumbled, but his eyes drooped closed, and a minute later his breathing evened out. Jeff pushed some of Jensen’s hair out of his face, and kissed his forehead again. Then he got up and gently closed the door behind him. This wasn’t his room to be in.

**

The rest of Donna’s stay passed by mostly uneventful. Jensen was keeping his distance, but at least he stayed in for Sunday night. He didn’t join them for breakfast or to see Donna off again on Monday, but neither of them expected him to. When Jeff had finally closed the door of Donna’s car and sent her on her way with her driver, he didn’t even wait for the car to fully leave the premises before he was back in the house, straight on his way to see Jensen.

Jeff knocked softly on his door. There was no answer, but he could hear music playing, so he went in anyway. Jensen was bent over his desk drawer snorting up some coke. He pulled up and sniffed, eyes lighting up when he spotted Jeff.

“Daddy,” Jensen exclaimed loudly. He bounced up and down in place before bundling up to Jeff, wrapping his arms around him and trying to get him to dance. “Yay. I’m so glad my daddy is here. Did you come to take care of me?”

Jeff tried to be stern, but Jensen’s enthusiasm was contagious. “I told you not to call me that,” he chastised.

“Are you going to reward your good boy now?” Jensen asked, hands pushing up under Jeff’s shirt. “Is daddy gonna make me feel good?” Jensen grinned, knowing he was pushing Jeff’s buttons.

“I dunno. Do you deserve a reward?” Jeff raised his eyebrow. “I don’t think you have been that good.” The image of Jensen passed out cold by the pool sprang to his mind.

“But I followed all of your rules,” Jensen pouted. “Even though I was very tempted.”

Jeff’s eyes narrowed. He only had two rules for Jensen. Don’t do heroin and don’t fuck without a condom. He couldn’t begrudge him the coke. After all, he’d done his fair share back when he’d started on Wall Street. Before he was rich enough to not have to kill himself for the job anymore. And Jeff was still Donna’s husband, so he couldn’t ask Jensen to be celibate while he was fucking his mother. But both rules were meant to keep Jensen from falling too far off the wagon. To keep him alive, basically. Because Jeff cared for him a great deal. More than for his mother, these days. 

He sighed. “Don’t even mess with me, Jensen. I hope you know why I made those rules.”

Jensen rolled his eyes. “I’m not stupid.” His hands had fallen to his sides. “You’re spoiling my fun, old man. Come on.”

Jeff took a hold of Jensen’s face and forced the other man to look at him. When he was sure that Jensen was cognisant enough, Jeff held his gaze. “I’m serious, Jensen. Don’t make me send you to a clinic to get tested.”

Jensen freed himself from his grasp. “Oh? Like you’re so sure Donna doesn’t fuck around on you? How about my risk of catching anything from _you_?” Jensen spat.

Jeff winced. But he conceded Jensen’s point. “The rules go both way, Jensen. I use condoms when I fuck your mo… Donna.”

“Bullshit,” Jensen frowned.

“I’m serious. I see your point. Additionally, I really don’t want her to get pregnant,” Jeff shuddered at the thought. He didn’t want to be tied to Donna forever. And he shouldn’t give her any opportunity to screw up another kid as much as she had screwed with Jensen.

“How’s she taking that?” Jensen asked.

Jeff shrugged. It was a struggle, but Jensen didn’t need to know the details. “I can be quite strict if I need to be.”

Jensen cocked his head, considering. Then a sly grin spread over his face. “Ok then. Maybe I was a bad boy and I need you to be strict with me.”

Jeff laughed, relieved that the tense moment was over. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” He stalked Jensen, delighted when he played along, retreating until Jeff could crowd him against the wall. “Little brat.”

Jensen stuck out his tongue, showing the stud piercing he usually took out when Donna was home to not give her even more ammunition. Then he proceeded to lick his lips suggestively. “Yes, daddy. I need you to punish me.”

Jeff groaned, knees getting weak from this little tease already. God, he hated not being able to touch Jensen for days. “Alright, show me what a good boy you can be.” Jeff pushed Jensen down to his knees. They could play later, when Jensen was sober again. Right now, a good fuck was what they both needed.

Looking up at him, Jensen stuck out his tongue and slowly licked a stripe up Jeff’s cock. Then he winked and slowly slid him down his throat. Jensen was the best at giving head. He was enthusiastic and barely had a gag reflex. And his piercing sliding along the sensitive flesh of Jeff’s dick was just the icing on the cake. 

After a few minutes, Jeff pulled him off. “Good,” he moaned, his voice unsteady. “Good boy.”

Jensen preened, a glint in his eyes. “Would being a bad boy get me fucked faster though?”

Jeff laughed. “No. It would earn you a spanking and then I’d probably tie you up and go watch a movie. Leave you here all alone with the air in this room as the only stimulation you get.” Well, he probably would not actually leave him here alone while he was bound and high, but Jensen didn’t need to know that.

“I’ll be your very good boy then, daddy.” Jensen pushed off Jeff’s shirt and wrapped his arms around his lower back. “What do you want me to do next?”

“Get undressed while I grab the lube.” Jeff ordered, turning to do just that. They always had a large supply in Jensen’s drawer. When he turned back around, Jensen was already naked and bent over, hands braced against the wall. “Perfect,” Jeff praised. He coated two fingers with lube and slowly circled Jensen’s rim, getting him used to the coldness before he entered the first digit.

“Come on,” Jensen whined. “I can take more.”

Jeff pressed his free hand against Jensen’s lower back to keep him still and continued his slow opening until Jensen protested again. “I know it’s not hurting you right now, but if you don’t let me do this, you’re gonna regret it later. So shut up and be a. Good. Boy.” Jeff stressed the last two words.

“Wanna feel it though.” Jensen squirmed. “Wanna feel you for the next few days. I missed not feeling you, Jeff.” Jensen started babbling. “I hate this. I want you to fuck me every day. I want to wake up with you in my bed and blow you. I want to go out together and come home together.”

Jeff closed his eyes and swallowed hard. Yes. He wanted all of this as well. But it wasn’t happening, couldn’t happen right now. And it would wreck the both of them if they talked about it when they were still vulnerable from a weekend with Donna.

Jensen was prepped enough. Jeff liberally coated his cock, turned Jensen around and interrupted his thoughts with a hard kiss. He hoisted him up against the wall and entered him, fucking him hard and fast against the wall. It successfully killed all conversation and the both of them were reduced to groans and random curse words. When he could feel himself get close, Jeff reached between them to stripe Jensen’s dick. It didn’t take much longer and they were both coming.

Jeff collapsed against the wall, slipping out and slowly setting Jensen down. “Fuck,” he panted. “I am getting too old for this.”

Jensen laughed. “You chose this, old man. Could’ve fucked me on the bed.” 

“Is that a complaint?” Jeff groused.

Jensen snorted, still laughing. “You’re the one whose knees are gonna be sore, baby.”

Jeff grunted, because dammit, Jensen was right. He relocated to the bed and laid down, closing his eyes. A moment later Jensen was following, using a shirt to clean up Jeff’s stomach. “I’m supposed to be taking care of you,” Jeff protested.

“You can make it up to me in round two,” Jensen suggested, kissing his way down Jeff’s chest.

Jeff opened his eyes and raised an eyebrow. Dammit, Jensen was already hard again. Goddamn coke coupled with his already shorter refractory period. “I’m afraid you’re gonna have to do all the work though.” Jeff offered, splaying open his legs and hiking his knees up suggestively.

Jensen grinned at him happily, already reaching for the lube. “Don’t worry, Jeff. By the time I’m done with you, you’re gonna be fully with me again.”

**

Everything was back to near perfect with Jensen for the next few days. Jeff had even gotten him to reconsider college by promising him he could major in whatever he wanted and take his time to find out. But then Donna came back and as per usual, Jensen left the house as soon as he could.

Alone with his wife, Jeff considered when he could finally breach the idea of a divorce to her gently. With Jensen off at college, Jeff wouldn’t have to worry about leaving Jensen alone with his abusive mother and maybe he could coincidentally move to wherever Jensen decided to go. 

But Donna had to go and force his hand.

“I’ve signed Jensen up for therapy,” she announced, dropping a brochure on the table. “I can’t watch him debase himself like this any longer. It will be good for him.”

Jeff frowned. Therapy would not be the worst idea, but he was suspicious that Donna even suggested it. Wouldn’t her son being seen entering a therapist’s office look bad to the press? “I don’t agree with your reasoning, but yeah. Seeing a therapist might help Jensen.” He picked up the brochure.

“Oh, it’s way more than that. It’ll be an extended stay in a locked facility. They’re very discreet.” Donna smiled.

“What?” Jeff flipped through the brochure and paled. It was full of shiny happy pod people dressing conservatively and being pictured around huge crosses on seemingly all the walls. He read ‘saved from eternal damnation’ on a caption and… fuck. “This is a conversion camp.” No doubt they’d be discreet. They were fucking illegal.

“It’s therapy. Therapy to help Jensen and set him back on a straight path.” Donna snatched the brochure back from Jeff and looked at it reverently. 

“By that you mean cure him of being gay?” Jeff spat. This could not be happening.

“Well, yes. I don’t know why he would do this to himself. This will make his life so much easier.” Donna pointed at a smiling pod person.

“There is no cure for being gay. It’s not an illness. It’s who he is.” Jeff grit his teeth. He was glad that Jensen wasn’t here for this.

“Look who’s talking. As if you haven’t been cured yourself.” Donna pointed her finger at him.

“What?” Jeff rubbed at his eyes. When he opened them, Donna was still there. This was not a bad dream. “The fuck?”

“You told me yourself that you… you experimented with men. But now you’re all better. You’re married to me.” Donna smiled and caressed her wedding ring.

“You think that…” Jeff had to take a deep breath. How was this conversation even happening? “Woman, I’m bisexual. Always was, always will be. Just because I’m with a woman right now doesn’t make me straight.” And if he wasn’t fucking _Jensen_ but some random guy, he’d gleefully rub it in her face right now. But the truth would make all of this so very much worse. 

“Don’t say that. I didn’t marry a fag.” Donna was beginning to sound hysterical.

“Oh, but honey, yes you did.” Jeff put his hand on his hips and purposefully played it up. “And if you send Jensen to that conversion camp, I’m not only gonna call the police on you, I will also go straight to the tabloids and tell them all about how our marriage was nothing but a sham and I have always been gay.” It wouldn’t hurt him. Jeff had never pretended to be straight. He’d just been a very private person before he married Donna and had been deemed too dull to investigate further by the paparazzi early on. Instead they focused on Jensen and of course Donna herself.

“You wouldn’t.” Donna’s eyes narrowed.

“What do you think _they’ll_ think you’re hiding? Maybe you’re a secret lesbian yourself?” Jeff leaned down to be at her eye level. “What would all your fans think?”

Donna took the brochure from the conversion camp and ripped it apart. “Ok, fine. You win.”

Jeff smiled. It didn’t really feel like a win though. In fact, he just felt dirty and wrong for ever having loved the woman enough to be married to her for three years. “We’re getting a divorce. I regret ever having married you,” he told her, calmly.

Donna seemed surprised for a moment, then the rage took over. “You took the words right out of my mouth. I can’t believe you lied to me for all those years. Maybe you’re even the reason why Jensen is so messed up.” She finally got up and pointed at him in accusation. “You go take your gay and leave this house and never come back.”

“Gladly.” Jeff was seething, but he had to show restraint. For Jensen. He couldn’t make things worse for Jensen. But this would be for the best. He’d leave now and Jensen could come with him. They’d move away together and finally be out of Donna’s clutches. Now that he knew how to get to her, she wouldn’t risk the scandal. Her own husband having a gay affair with her gay son? She wouldn’t dare sue him.

Jeff smiled and turned and walked straight out of the house. He’d get his and Jensen’s things once Donna was gone again. For now he’d check into a hotel and buy some new clothes. Or maybe him and Jensen would just spend the next few days naked in the room to celebrate. Everything would get better now. He couldn’t believe why it took him so long to realize this was the perfect solution. Donna would not want a scandal. She’d let them both go.

**

_Jensen arrived back home a few hours later, surprised to find his mother alone in the living room with a bottle of wine in her hands and another empty bottle already on the table. Alcohol did not go well with her medication, so usually she was smarter than that. For her sake Jensen hoped she’d locked away her phone before she started drinking to avoid another twitter incident. Then again, why should he care? It would be nice to not be the screw-up for once. “Where’s Jeff?” he asked._

_“He left us,” his mother replied, before taking a long swig straight from the bottle, her glass forgotten on the table._

_“What?” Jensen frowned. “Left for where? Work?” Jeff didn’t say anything this morning._

_“No.” Donna turned around to glare at her son. “He’s left for good. And it’s your fault.”_

_“What?” Jensen paled. Did she know?_

_“Why do you have to be so damn gay, Jensen? He couldn’t stand it anymore, to live with such a twink all the time. So now he’s left both of us. Because of_ you _.” His mother turned away from Jensen. “Get out of my sight. I can’t deal with you right now.”_

_“What? But… but he wouldn’t…” Jensen’s voice broke and he could feel the first tears start to fall. Jeff wouldn’t just leave him, would he? But maybe his mother was right. Jensen was too much, too high maintenance and Jeff had finally decided to leave for someone easier to handle. Someone who wasn’t such a broken mess._

_“I said GET OUT,” his mother screamed at him and Jensen ran._

**

Jeff got the call right around 2 am, when he’d finally decided to give up waiting for Jensen to call back and go to bed. He’d left him several voice mails over the course of the day as well as some texts urging him to call, but Jensen had never checked in. Now he knew why. He’d been admitted to hospital for an overdose and was currently in ICU – and they didn’t tell Jeff more over the phone, which was why he hastily pulled his clothes back on and ran down to get a cab to the hospital.

He was glad he was in the hotel, because that meant he’d be there faster. Jensen had made him his emergency contact after he’d gotten beaten up a while back. He’d made Jeff promise not to tell Donna to prove her right and Jeff had kept his word. This was before they even started their relationship. Jeff had been flattered that the boy trusted him enough. Now he knew that Jensen didn’t have anyone else to call.

But it didn’t matter. Jeff took his responsibility seriously and now he was grateful that he was on the list, because he doubted Donna would even notify him. Jensen could have died and Jeff would read about it days later in the gossip rags. Oh god. Jensen could still die. He urged the cab driver to drive faster and thankfully the promise of a big tip worked.

Once he arrived, Jeff left out the part about only being Jensen’s _step_ father – and he wasn’t even legally that, he’d never adopted Jensen – and he was allowed into the ICU past visiting hours.

Jensen looked small in his hospital bed, hooked onto tubes and machines. His now pink hair was mated to his forehead and Jeff brushed the strands out of his face, using a cloth to also wipe off Jensen’s smeared make-up. It was the only thing he could do for him right now, but when Jeff was done, he realized that now Jensen looked even more vulnerable than before.

He placed a kiss on his forehead and took Jensen’s hand in his. “Please come back to me, Jensen. I need you.” Jensen wouldn’t move. The machines continued to beep ominously. Jeff sighed and grabbed a chair, sitting down and resting his head on Jensen’s chest. He could feel the rise and fall of it and that made him feel a little better. “Please, Jensen. It was just getting good for us. I had so many plans.”

Jeff squeezed his hand a little tighter and closed his eyes, imagining Jensen waking up as if just from along nap, getting up and walking out of the hospital hand in hand.

Sometime later he must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he felt was sunshine on his skin and a hand in his hair. “Jensen?” His head swivelled around and he was looking into the most beautiful green eyes. “Jensen.” He enveloped the other man into a tight hug and kissed the side of his lips, his cheeks and then buried his face in Jensen’s neck. He only pulled back when he registered Jensen’s muffled groans of pain.

“Sorry,” Jensen croaked. “Pulling on my wires.” 

“No, I’m sorry,” Jeff bit his lip, looking Jensen up and down and registering all his wires but the missing tube in his throat, which he could’ve sworn had been there last night. He caressed Jensen’s cheek softly. “Has the doctor been in already?”

Jensen nodded. “Told her to let you sleep. I liked watching you. I’ll miss this.” He looked away.

“What do you mean?” Jeff’s voice broke. He’d just gotten Jensen back and now… “Are you breaking up with me?” He couldn’t fault him. Jeff was an old man. Maybe Jensen finally wanted to start a more normal life.

“What? Me?” Jensen frowned. “Donna said…”

Jeff sat up straight. “Donna said what?” His voice was icy and Jensen flinched. Jeff took a deep breath and softened his posture, caressing Jensen’s cheek again. “Jensen?” he prompted, softer.

“Said you left.” Jensen heaved a sob. “Left me. Because… because of who I am.”

Jeff clenched his fist. He was glad Donna wasn’t here right now, because he might not be able to control himself. “No, baby. I left _for_ you. For us.”

Jensen pulled his blanket up a little higher. He looked extremely vulnerable and it broke Jeff’s heart. “For us?”

Jeff nodded, considering telling Jensen the truth. Would it do more damage than good? But he had to understand why Jeff had to leave right away, without taking Jensen with him. “In a way, I did leave because of you.” Jensen flinched, but Jeff had anticipated it, cradling his head in both hands and making Jensen look at him. “Listen, baby. Listen. Donna was going to put you in a conversion camp and I was not going to allow that. One thing let to another, and I left. _Her._ I had every intention of taking you with me. Did you not get my messages?”

Jensen bit his lip. “Didn’t want to hear you break up with me.”

“Oh, Jensen.” Jeff sighed and leaned in for a sweet kiss. But then something clicked and he pulled back. “Wait. Is that why you overdosed? Did you try to kill yourself?”

Jensen pulled back and swallowed. “W..water?” He asked and Jeff could tell it was mostly avoidance, but he still helped Jensen drink from his sippy cup carefully. Jensen coughed a little, then he laid back down and closed his eyes. Jeff sighed deeply and cupped Jensen’s cheek, caressing him with his thumb.

“You asshole,” he whispered. “Don’t put this on me, Jensen.” Jeff slid his fingers through Jensen’s hair and placed his head right next to Jensen’s on the pillow. “I’m not worth it. You’re so much better than me. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t throw it away over me.” He kissed Jensen’s cheek and could feel a tear roll down. They would have to revisit this conversation, but maybe now was not the time.

“So, I was thinking,” Jeff continued. “You come live with me. And when you’re feeling up for it, you go to the college of your choice and I’ll come live with you.” Jensen had opened his eyes again and was staring at him. “Or, if you’d rather not have some old guy around to distract you, you go to college, have the best time, and come visit me on holidays?”

“No,” Jensen shook his head a little.

“Or I can just be your dad for a while. Ok, Jensen?” Jeff quickly gave him another option. He couldn’t lose Jensen from his life. “Maybe, if you’re not up for it, we don’t need to have sex. You can still stay with me. No conditions. Yes?” It would sting a little, but he’d much rather know Jensen was happy and safe than have his own needs met.

“No,” Jensen repeated again, sitting up a little more. “I don’t need a dad, Jeff. I’m old enough.” Jeff’s face fell until the little shit grinned at him. “I do need my _daddy_ though. And damn straight I’m also gonna need him on a daily basis _if_ I go back to college.”

Jeff laughed in relief and kissed him again. “No pressure. Whatever you want.” Jensen squirmed a little at that. “What?” Jeff cocked his head. “What is it you want, baby? I’ll be ok with it, I promise.”

“I was thinking…” Jensen licked his lips and looked away once again. “Maybe… maybe I’ll go to rehab first? And uhm, therapy?” He scratched his eyebrow and looked so damn vulnerable again that Jeff had to fight hard not to cry. “Not to cure my gay though,” Jensen added with a short, sardonic laugh.

“Good. Because there’s nothing wrong with that side of you.” Jeff ruffled his hair. “I’d miss the sparkle in my life.” He winked.

“Would that be ok?” Jensen asked in a small voice.

“Jesus, of course.” Jeff nodded wholeheartedly. “Of course that’s alright, baby. I’ll fully support you, however long you need.” He never would have suggested it to Jensen because he had to want to go on his own for it to work, but Jeff was so happy that this was where Jensen was headed. “I’m so proud of you, Jensen.”

Some colour returned to Jensen’s cheeks and they both smiled at each other. “Can I really live with you?” Jensen asked. “You won’t be embarrassed?”

“Of course not. Why would I ever be embarrassed? I hit the jackpot. You’re so beautiful, Jensen. And smart. You’re radiant.” Jeff grinned. “And you’re so much younger than me. Everybody will be jealous.”

“’M not too… too twinky for you?” Jensen chewed on his lip again and Jeff leaned in, interrupting him with a kiss.

“Fuck no. I love you. I love you exactly as you are,” Jeff proclaimed. “But I’ll also love you if therapy changes you, just so you know,” he was quick to add. He’d even be happier if he didn’t constantly have to worry about Jensen doing the wrong drugs or ending up at the wrong party. He had no doubt his boy would find new, creative ways to misbehave though. Healthier ways.

“I love you, too,” Jensen whispered before he closed his eyes again.

“Tired?” Jeff asked. Jensen hummed the affirmative. “Sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Promise?” Jensen questioned, fighting to keep his eyes open. 

“I promise. I’ll always be here for you. For the rest of your life. If you want me to or not.” Jeff kissed his hand and then interlaced their fingers again. Jensen gave him a small squeeze before his breathing evened out and he’d fallen asleep again.

Jeff got more comfortable in his chair and while he waited for Jensen to wake up, he started researching rehab centres on his phone. Then he started to look at colleges with a good drama department. He had a feeling Jensen might eventually be heading there, if he could shake the shadow of his mother and realize he’d be doing it for himself and not for her. Jeff smiled. They had a long road ahead of them, but they’d travel it together. And he had no doubt that their destination would be beautiful.


End file.
